Building Friendships has always been a difficult undertaking for me. In fact, it gives me a great deal of angst to even ponder the idea of putting myself out there. And, mingling awkwardly with new people is certainly not my favorite thing to do. It induces shaky hands and sweaty palms- the kind that makes you pray that nobody wants to shake your hand!
Nevertheless, in the early summer of 2015, I found myself preparing for an evening out with my husband to be spent with his buddy from High School, Derek, and his wife, Tameara. I had only ever spoken to her in passing, when I congratulated her on her nuptials, and stuffed my face with pasta at her reception. I was skeptical that this night would be anything more than another botched attempt to form a genuine adult friendship. That assumption was wrong. I am now beyond blessed to call Tameara "my person.”
If you have never tuned into the show "Grey's Anatomy" during it's 16 season run, you may not know the definition or reference of "my person.” This term is meant to describe the deep platonic love and bond between two best friends. It was coined over a decade ago by Cristina Yang’s character in the show to reference her own unique relationship with Meredith Grey.
Finding my person affected my life in such a powerful way and has continued to be a positive force in my life- even half a decade later. But, the journey to this point has not been simple, or even painless, for that matter. The previous years had been full of stagnant friendships, and even some that failed so miserably that they went out with a life altering bang.
I often wondered how I would know when someone was your person. Would it just be obvious? What are the pillars of a relationship so substantial that it would be considered essential to your very being?
I found that laughter and spontaneity are the cornerstones of our bond. You can often find us crammed in a room getting ready for a Miranda Lambert concert that we had just decided to attend that very morning- while laughing over pre-pregnancy pants that had no chance of buttoning (but that we were determined to get into- if not for anything but nostalgia). Or cracking up at our hair that does that annoying Alfalfa cowlick, and won't lie flat, even if you use an entire can of Aqua Net hairspray.
Consider us the real life Monica Gellar and Rachel Green, Thelma and Louise, or Romi and Michelle. But what else makes our friendship so unique? I would argue that it's the same aspects of any ordinary friendship- such as trust, communication, equal effort between both people, and the ability to lament with each other during the lows, just as easily as you celebrate with each other during the highs.
However, in contrast to any ordinary friendship, these aspects are executed flawlessly, and with mindless ease, as if they were second nature. It's the ability to think of the other person as an extension of yourself, a necessity, not just a nicety.
Tameara and I communicate daily (which we consider a true feat) and our conversations are usually affable, no matter the content. We know we can fully confide in each other because the trust is there and was easily built. There is no subject too taboo for us (although we have subjects we deliberately avoid).
We have been each other's support through births, deaths, and everything in between.
I suppose you could say we have developed a “healthy codependency” for one another. I can confidently say that I cannot do life without her. She has brought so much to my life in these short 5 years, always encouraging me and building me up ,and ensuring there is never a dull moment with her blonde moments and corny laffy taffy wrapper jokes.
Being authentic to our true selves comes so easily when we are together, we have absolutely no shame, as evidenced by our nights out dancing like nobody's watching, and our midnight trips to Wal-Mart singing along at the top of our lungs with the 90's pop that plays in the background. I don't remember much of my life before I found "my person", nor do I want to.
If You have not yet found "your person", I urge You to put yourself out there, be vulnerable, and actively seek him or her. You deserve the person you get to be fully yourself with, that you can laugh and cry with, that you can without-a-doubt trust with your life. It may not come easily, you may feel discouraged, but have patience, because when that person, your person, finally comes into your life, you will know!
“Laughter is not at all a bad beginning for a friendship, and it is by far the best ending for one.”
― Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray